Steps to Take When a Parent Has Dementia

Brittney Pierce
Aug 10
5 min read

It can be hard when you first notice your parents showing signs of dementia. You may feel love, gratitude, grief, worry, and uncertainty all at once. Maybe they are repeating the same question several times. Maybe there's a missed bill, medication mistake, or confusing drive that has raised new concerns. Maybe a visit made it clear that daily life has become harder than it used to be.

Dementia changes family roles, but it does not erase the relationship. If you are wondering what to do when a parent has dementia, begin with one thoughtful step: understand what may be changing, protect their dignity, and build support around their needs.

Key Takeaways: Steps When a Parent Has Dementia

If your parent has dementia, start with one calm, practical step at a time.
Schedule a medical evaluation to understand what may be causing changes in memory, judgment, or behavior.
Write down specific examples, such as missed medications, repeated questions, confusion while driving, or changes in hygiene.
Create a safety plan that protects their dignity while reducing risks at home.
Use gentle, respectful language that helps them feel included rather than corrected.
Consider memory care when safety, structure, daily routines, or caregiver stress become difficult to manage at home.

What Dementia Means and What It Does Not Mean

Dementia is not one single disease. The Alzheimer’s Association describes dementia as a general term for changes in memory, language, judgment, problem-solving, and thinking that interfere with daily life.

Alzheimer’s disease is the most common cause of dementia in older adults, but it is not the only cause. Other types may include:

Vascular dementia
Lewy body dementia
Frontotemporal dementia
Parkinson’s-related cognitive changes
Mixed dementia

Dementia Is Not a Normal Part of Aging

Occasional forgetfulness can happen with age. Dementia-related changes differ because they begin to affect safety, independence, communication, decision-making, and daily routines. Some dementia-like symptoms may also be connected to other medical concerns, including:

Medication side effects
Infections
Depression or anxiety
Sleep problems
Dehydration
Hearing or vision changes
Nutritional concerns

This is why a medical evaluation matters. It can help your family understand what may be causing the changes and what support may be needed next.

Signs Your Parent May Need More Support

Families often notice small changes before they see a clear pattern.

You may notice:

Repeating questions or stories often
Missing medications or taking them incorrectly
Getting lost or confused in familiar places
Trouble managing bills or appointments
Changes in hygiene, meals, or home upkeep
Increased anxiety, suspicion, agitation, or withdrawal
Unsafe cooking or driving
Wandering or leaving home unexpectedly
Falls or mobility changes
Caregiver stress that is becoming hard to manage

These changes do not mean your parent has lost who they are. They may mean that the daily rhythm needs more structure, safety, and support.

What to Do When a Parent Has Dementia: Start with a Medical Evaluation

The first practical step is to contact your parent’s primary care physician. Depending on their needs, the doctor may recommend a neurologist, geriatrician, geriatric psychiatrist, or memory specialist.

A medical evaluation may include:

Health history
Cognitive testing
Medication review
Lab work
Brain imaging
Mood, sleep, hearing, or vision screening
Additional assessments as needed

Before the appointment, write down what you have noticed.

Include:

When the changes began
Specific examples
Safety concerns
Medication mistakes
Driving concerns
Changes in eating, hygiene, or sleep
Any recent falls, confusion, or wandering

If they are open to support, offer to attend the appointment, take notes, or help organize questions in advance.

Create a Practical Dementia Safety Plan

Safety planning is not about taking control away from your parents. It is about reducing risk while honoring their independence as much as possible.

Start with Daily Safety

Review:

Medication management
Driving safety
Stove and appliance use
Fall prevention
Wandering or getting lost
Nutrition and hydration
Home cleanliness
Personal care
Emergency contacts

Review Important Documents

If your parent is still able to participate in planning, begin organizing key legal, medical, and financial information.

These may include:

Health care power of attorney
Financial power of attorney
Advance directive
HIPAA authorization
Updated medication list
Emergency contacts
Insurance information
Long-term care information

Start with the most urgent safety concern first, then continue one step at a time.

How to Talk to Your Parent About Dementia with Dignity

Talking to your parent about dementia can feel emotional for everyone. The goal is not to win an argument, but to create safety, trust, and support.

Helpful Communication Tips

Try to:

Choose a calm time of day
Speak slowly and warmly
Use specific observations
Offer one idea at a time
Validate feelings before redirecting
Avoid arguing about details
Avoid saying, “Don’t you remember?”
Focus on partnership
Include your parent in conversations whenever possible

Even when memory changes, dignity still matters. Do not talk about them as though they are not present.

Gentle Scripts You Can Use

For a first conversation:

“Dad, I’ve noticed a few things that seem harder lately, and I want to make sure we understand what is going on. Can we schedule a checkup together?”

For a mom who values independence:

“I want you to stay as independent as possible. Getting answers now may help us protect that independence.”

For a dad who becomes angry:

“I hear that this feels upsetting. We do not have to solve everything today. I love you, and I want to keep talking when it feels easier.”

For a diagnosed mom:

“Mom, I know this is a lot. You are still you, and we are going to take this one step at a time.”

What Not to Say to a Parent with Dementia

Small wording changes can make conversations feel calmer and more respectful.

Avoid: “You already asked me that.”

Try:

“I’m happy to go over it again.”

Avoid: “Don’t you remember?”

Try:

“That’s okay. Let me remind you.”

Avoid: “You can’t live alone anymore.”

Try:

“Let’s talk about what would help you feel safer and more supported.”

Avoid: “You have dementia, so you can’t make decisions.”

Try:

“Your voice matters. Let’s look at the options together.”

Avoid: “You’re being difficult.”

Try:

“I can see this feels frustrating. Let’s pause for a moment.”

When Memory Care May Become the Next Right Step

Memory care is not about giving up. It is about surrounding your parent with structure, safety, meaningful connection, and dementia-informed support when home no longer feels manageable.

Families may begin considering memory care when:

Safety is difficult to manage at home
Medication errors are happening
Wandering or exit-seeking occurs
Isolating or anxious
Meals, hygiene, or routines are inconsistent
Care needs are increasing
The primary caregiver is exhausted
Family members disagree about what is safe
Needing more structure, engagement, or supervision

For many adult children, this decision brings guilt. That is understandable. Needing help with caregiving does not mean you have failed your parent. It may mean your family is choosing support that helps them remain safer, more connected, and cared for with dignity.

Memory Care Support at Mitchell Hollingsworth

Mitchell Hollingsworth supports families through memory care, with a focus on:

Dignity
Safety
Personalized support
Family communication
Meaningful engagement

Families often need help understanding what level of support is appropriate now and what may be needed later. Mitchell Hollingsworth's team can help families think through changing care needs, daily routines, safety concerns, and next steps.

Moving Forward with Love and Support

If your parent has dementia, you do not have to make every decision at once. A diagnosis or noticeable cognitive change may alter the path ahead, but it does not erase love, dignity, identity, or connection.

If you are deciding what to do when a parent has dementia, begin with the next right step: